Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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