Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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