it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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