Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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