Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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