I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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