Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
