i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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