I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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