I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
