Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
