Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
