my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
