3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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