i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
