I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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