I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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