i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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