Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
