you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
