I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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