the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
