Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
