Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The uberlube is also flammable
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
