1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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