Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i came on her dog
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
