I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
