you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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