I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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