i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
