You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
