she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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