How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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