im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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