Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
