He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
