I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
