pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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