I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
