Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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