shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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