Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
