Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
