she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i need some magic done to my vagina
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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