I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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