can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We have started to decorate penises.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
