it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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