Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
