Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
