Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
