reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
