I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If that was your dad, he is hot
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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