Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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