so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
