Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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