What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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