Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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