if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
