There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
