she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's always time for handjobs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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